A challenging conversation starter could turn into a powerful tool in sparking valuable dialog with our children. And its more than words—richer conversations pave the way for positivity, pride, and support. By working around the "yes" or "no" you might typically receive, thorough answers can help motivate and promote well-being.
Asking questions shows our kids how much we care - an emotional check-in - and can give them a reason to tell us something they’ve been wanting to talk about (both high and low points), but haven't found the opportunity to do so.
So, be consistent. Keep asking. It allows kids to prepare answers if they know what's coming.
Here are some open-ended questions to spark meaningul conversations.
1. What did your teacher talk about today?
While not a "yes or no" question, "What did you learn today" can be easily dodged with an answer of "nothing."
So instead, by asking about what the teacher talked about, you might get at least a glimpse into the main learning points on the day, and then can confirm those points with the homework they’re tasked with.
You can also ask about what they’re excited to learn about tomorrow, or what they need to do to prepare for tomorrow’s learning, and of course, what is something they struggled with in school today. You might uncover the need for an after-school enrichment activity, or some type of supplemental learning activity to either spark motivation or build skills in a particular area.
2. What was your favorite part of the day?
Kids who had a really good day will have no problem excitedly answering this one! And those who can’t or don’t give a great answer, it’s usually a tell that perhaps the day didn’t have a highlight, and there is something more to talk about.
Keeping on with the positive, though, a difficult thing to do as kids grow up is to keep track of their interests, and that includes the school topics they’re passionate about. From here, we can start to paint the picture of what else we can be doing with our kids to take those interests further, whether that’s enlisting a coding tutor to help take curiosities to the next level, or finding them a robotics club to join.
3. Did you make good choices today?
Guilt is so, so tough for many kids. While they might not jump to share something, and can be OK with that because they aren’t technically lying about anything, if asked, that all goes out the window.
Some kids will proudly state accomplishment and say “Yes, I made great choices today.” And sure, while it’s a “yes” or “no” question, it's one that naturally leads to additional conversation.
This question also provides the opportunity to reinforce the good choices/behaviors, and allows kids to reflect on their days to ensure they really did go about them in the best way possible.
4. Let's play roses and thorns, or high, low, buffalo.
Ok, not a question, but a way to promote deeper conversation nonetheless. Roses and thorns is simply a game where you can go around the dinner table or around car on the way home from school and have everyone share a high (rose) and low (thorn) from the day. High, low, buffalo is similar, with the high and the low being self-explanatory but the buffalo being something unexpected or a surprise.
5. Who did you play with today?
Some of the phrasing and delivery on this and other questions is going to depend on the age of your child, so it might be “who did you interact with?” or “who did you study with today?”
Anyway, it goes without saying, but socialization is key. And, don’t think just because kids might only be learning online, that they don’t have the opportunity to interact with other students.
If it’s not happening in school, there are other ways kids can remain social even when practicing social distancing (or when they're only able to interact with others online).
6. What made you laugh today?
It’s important that kids don’t view your question-asking as prying, or, searching for the bad stuff. Plus, laughter is positively powerful, so why not extend the funny moments as long as we can? These types of questions can also more genuinely come across as curiosity and not grilling.
Meaning, think about something funny that happened to you recently. Just thinking about it probably makes you laugh more, and then, trying to tell that story to someone else without smiling let alone breaking down in laughter is nearly impossible.
This is also a good point to add that it's not only about asking the wrong "probing" questions or tiptoing around what not to ask, but zeroing in on how questions are asked as well. Sincerity helps, as does non-threatening dialog.
7. What questions did you ask today?
Some kids have a hard time with classroom participation, and that’s OK. But, we should still encourage them to participate, and encourage them to get clarification on those things with which they’re experiencing difficulty.
That’s one of the benefits of one-on-one tutoring—the opportunity to break down those barriers, and reinforce the fact that questions are OK, and expected.
8. When’s your next test (or big project)?
This one is a little more specific, and to the point. Kids can easily fly under the radar when it comes to their schoolwork, but having something asked about makes that more difficult by putting everything on the table, and, actually can serve as a reminder that they do have something coming up, and need to start studying or preparing for it.
9. What are your goals for tomorrow?
This is a powerful question, and can be used in a couple of different manners. One way is to reinforce a lesson, and to drive the point home that - even though things didn’t go as planned today - there is tomorrow to make up for it, so keep it top of mind as you move forward.
This question is also valuable in that it can take the place of asking a few of the above questions. Meaning, if you ask what your child’s goals are for tomorrow, it might naturally bring out something that didn’t go great “today,” or, could shine light on the fact that there is a big exam or project tomorrow that they want to conquer.